The Art of Letting Go

October 27, 2006 •

The title of this blog is reminiscent of a very touching song (of the same title, which was a hit in 2004 and sung by Mikaila) that brings you back to certain chapters in your life that you’d rather choose to forget or put behind. I remember singing this ditty every time my kids and I had these "videoke (a.k.a. bonding) sessions" on weekends. But the lyrics never felt as meaningful then.

I often wondered before, when do you get to honestly say to yourself and with conviction, that you have really let go? What are the parameters to know that you have put it all behind you?

Through this tough journey of my life, I realized you do not totally let go of certain events, memories, and people in your life — particularly the ones that make-up a huge part of your persona. But rather, it is choosing to keep them always in your thoughts, in your heart, in your being. A line in the song suggests that you "put away the pictures and put away the memories." Yeah right! On the contrary, you really don’t throw them all away or try to forget them just because these hurt you. YOU JUST DON’T! For these is what shaped you, and will constantly make you, to be the stronger, wiser and more faithful person that you are now.

Everyone is faced with different challenges, of varying degrees of pain and hardship. But they are not reasons for us to fail to look for those silver threads that line our dark clouds. Scarred as you are, these are not reasons to give up the fight; to stop living. Over time, what you really just let go off is the thought of nurturing too much of the ill-feelings.

It’s about perspective; "I HAVE A CHOICE." And so does everyone else.

You could choose to be helpless. You could choose to wallow in depression and be consumed by emotional and spiritual maggots; choose to forever sulk and use the experience as a lame excuse to justify your other failures or to make your life, and even that of others’, as miserable.

Or, you could choose to help yourself and eventually help others to help you. You could choose to be a survivor, to live life and see its beauty despite the many events that obscure the scenic view. You can choose to respect the presence of pain, to accept the things that happen; and look ahead to a brighter tomorrow; to pick-up the pieces, move on and start rebuilding.

Easier said huh? But whoever said it was easy? It’s NOT and I don’t think it ever will be.

But you start off somewhere. In the process you learn to understand that it all starts with the SELF, the most important of which is SELF-FORGIVENESS.

I read this insightful book entitled “Forgiveness Therapy" by David Schell. It said that “Self-forgiveness cleanses the soul, washes away the shame and guilt. It is not something you do for someone else but something you do for yourself. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness for out of self-forgiveness comes the power to extend forgiveness to others.”

Cliché as it may sound, but “when you lose, you don’t lose the lesson". The only way to really go is to learn and master instead "the art of forgiving.”