Ahh, now I know why … It suddenly dawned on me … I was also 14 years old then when I first got into this sort of romantic relationship (or so I thought), with someone from the same church org I was part of. Though he was, technically, my so-called boyfriend, I never really considered that as anything serious … I mean there was none of the roller-coaster, highly emotional feeling, no holding hands, no dating whatsoever, no long talks for me to at least get to know of his likes and dislikes, even his favorite color and favorite food. In my analysis, it was more like “oh I have a huge crush on this guy, who likes me as much, and I guess it must be cool to accept his proposal to be his girlfriend, the way my other friends have similarly done.” While there was no peer pressure at all, I thought it was one of the best reasons (or justifications) to be “in” … That time my parents were really strict, so despite the fact that the relationship lasted for almost 2 years, it was also understandable why it never flourished (and for me, to never really let it count as my first love). Poor guy, ayt? Hope he doesn’t get to know of this blog, haha!
Back then I was not allowed yet to entertain suitors, at least until I reached college. I kinda resented that before and wasn’t too keen to listen and understand why all of a sudden, my folks had turned into Hitler-reincarnates. That also explains why I got so scared and never got to tell them about this guy … oops, sshhh … Hahaha!
But eventually, I began to recognize why they were protective and felt so thankful they were consistently firm about what they already knew then was best for me. As the years passed, I only realized that there was, indeed, a bigger world beyond high school, beyond crushes and puppy love. They consented on some things, enough for me to still enjoy my youth, my school life, but without much complications that were usually results of hasty and unwise decisions simply because we let our hearts always overrule our minds. Well that was usually the case because we were still younger and naive and learning our way thru our adolescence.
Another good thing, too, my parents’ over-protectiveness (add to that, my younger brother’s hotheadedness, who, like my dad, can turn into an incredible hulk and fight even the fiercest wolves), became common knowledge, thus, I feel fortunate to have never experienced being treated badly, especially by the boys. It actually transformed me to be “one of the boys” instead, so no one really dared to mess or play hanky-panky with me.
Now, my daughter is of that same age, and I know, just like me then, she will always try to push her luck with the things she feels she ought and want to do; she will feel as if she already knows enough to decide things for and by herself and run her own life … It is now my turn to be eagle-eyed and over-protective of her — and to be paranoid, too … hahaha!
Oh well … while I know I can never stop my daughter from growing up and for her to learn more about life’s realities, I can only bank on the kind of relationship we’ve sowed and nurtured thru the years, growing together as mom-daughter and as buddies. Times have drastically changed (typical monologue of a parent, hehe…) which is why I had opted to openly share with her some of my own good and not so pleasant experiences as a teener, and how grateful I had always been, and still am for my parents’ guidance, patience and understanding. Though nothing beats ‘actual experience as being the best teacher’, I just hope she appreciates the value of having a mom to guide her, and at the same time, a friend whom she can trust … as we continue to engage in those small girlie talks, spontaneous sharing and hearty laughters about family, friendship, crushes, relationships, school and life in general.
I am happy she has remained honest and outspoken yet sweet and gentle in sharing all of her thoughts and feelings with me; and as far as I know, at 14, still never had a boyfriend (oh that can wait, sweetheart!), and is having the time of her life …
As I looked at her while she lay sleeping, I just crazily assessed how much she has grown … that physically, DJ is a much taller, bigger and better endowed girl than I was back then (I was really skinny at 14) … though I can strongly sense that her heart and her ways are still very much child-like compared to the way I had been at 14 … DJ herself attributes that perhaps my being the eldest in the brood, in a way, had something to do with that … wow, how profound! 
PS - I just remembered, my mom was also 40y.o. when I turned 14 … Hmmm, guess mom had the same sentiments then huh, so fortyish, hehehe …
No comments:
Post a Comment